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No Identity? No Problem! - struggling to find your true self in a world that just wants you to fit in


Bloody Hell, folks. It's been a while. A hot minute, some would say. Firstly, a sincere sorry for not writing on here for ages. It's been a crazy few months marked by illness, indecision (or the malevolent goblin of indecision, 'the duck of indecision' - I'll put a pic of him at the end) and inner turmoil and frustration. But tonight I felt inspired and wanted to write a little something about how I would go about constructing an identity when a) you don't feel like you really have one, and 2) there is a pull from society/peers/family to just be like everyone else (primarily so that you remain unproblematic and therefore fit seamlessly into the world we live in, its qualms unnoticed and its wonders ignored). So I have a couple of tips (can I really call them that? Let's say ideas) that might kickstart you (and me, goodness knows I need it!) into discovering more so who we are and who we want to be! Right, shall we get started?


Have a kit-kat (aka take a break from social media) 

We see so, so many people, brands, ideas and products on social media. They're thrown at us from every which way, and although this might seem like a pretty simple idea, it's actually pretty darn difficult. It's a bit easier if you don't own a smartphone, but ha! Who doesn't own one of those?! (Me actually...). 

But anyway, I would advise, even if it's only for a weekend, to put down your phone and explore your mind with a new curiosity. If you see something you'd normally upload to instagram almost instantaneously, try appreciating it without seeking the mutuality of its beauty through sharing it on the internet. Being mindful is in my opinion an overused and sometimes misused concept, but it really is important to imprint beautiful parts of the world onto your memory, not just the 'moments' section of your phone. 

Looking elsewhere for inspiration is so fulfilling: people on the street, colour palettes in rooms and natural phenomena (the seasons, rainbows, sunsets), conversations had with strangers and deep meaningful chats late at night with friends. This might seem a tad idealistic, but ah well, I am a true idealist. Nothing inherently good can come from comparing yourself with/being entirely inspired by people on the internet that most likely only share the fabulous pics they take and the wondrous fun they occasionally have. Your identity is so much more interesting than your instagram feed. 


Wear What The F*ck You Want 

We so fear (or simply apprehend) what people will say about us, whether it's behind our back or to our faces. Comments can really imbed themselves into our psyche and shape our future behaviours, but that's why we need to be ducks that let water run off their backs when it comes to fashion and personal style. I sometimes worry (in my more "interesting" ensembles) I'll be mocked around and about, and yet I rarely am. Occasionally when these things do occur, it tends to come from teenage girls who (sorry if you are one) are desperate to seem cool and ultimately fit in, thereby demonstrating that they're not actually confident in themselves. 

Wearing something you truly love or throwing a whole bunch of things all together that make you feel like you're representing something deep within yourself is such a wonderful act of freedom. Plus, it's a great way of finding out what you are and aren't comfortable with looking like. So, experiment and test looks out. As I say oh-so-frequently in my retail job, you don't know til you try! 


It's A-OK to change your mind however frequently you want 

There's so much pressure on us from eighteen or much younger to know what you want to do with the rest of your life. Ultimately, no one really knows that ever. Some people might find their calling fairly young and some of us just never come to any kind of conclusion and that's okay too. It's bloody difficult to decide such things when there are a multitude of options. So don't be afraid to fear the uncertainty of the future, because uncertainty means that all things are possible. 

I change my mind on (almost) a daily basis. I have so many grandiose plans and ideas: I will be a writer, I will be a politician, a psychiatrist, an artist, an academic or vintage shop owner, and so on. I'm young, okay? All possibilities are possible. We have undiscovered talents, all of us. Let yourself wander down the path of life, a gentle meander, to see where we end up: no map, no plan, just a thirst for joy and connection. Dear Lord, that was deep. Anyway, you get my drift. 


So, folks, in summary: put your phone down, wear those purple sequin trousers (if that's your bag, or indeed your trousers...) and don't berate yourself for the not-knowing that is so much a part of the human condition. Stay fab and I hope you enjoyed this post. Thank you for reading :) 


Follow me on Instagram @jumper.dweller 

Much love, 
Louise 

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