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Being Weird (Among Others): my experience at my first autism conference and what I'll take home with me

A coffee I hastily downed at the conference between lectures!

This week has been momentous. Okay, that might have been a bit of an overstatement, but I did turn twenty-three and attend my very first (but definitely not last) autism conference - Autscape. In this post, I want to have a little chat about my experience there, how it's changed how I view myself and my diagnosis, and what I'll be taking home from my adventures. If you're interested, read on! If not, why'd you click? (I kid! Thanks anyway!)

Autscape was at first incredibly, irrevocably overwhelming. I think this rang true for all of us. Suddenly going from our routines, our close friends and family with whom we are completely comfortable, to the prospect (and the reality) of a place milling with people (mostly) who we have never met before and would never normally meet under "normal" circumstances. It is at once both very terrifying and very exciting, and often difficult to differentiate between the two.

A butterfly kindly posed for pictures...

It took me a little while to settle into Autscape: at first I couldn't seem to navigate the program and relied on snippets from other people's conversations to discover what I was going on, but I soon, with the help of some newly-made friends, began to integrate into and participate with the actual content of the conference. It was interesting learning about neuroqueer intersectionality, the 'elephant in the room' and exactly why we autistic folk disappear as we grow older. The interaction badges (literal lanyards that indicated 'neutral' as available to talk, 'prior permission' and 'red ('do not interact') as indicators that we may not want to be spoken to, or perhaps only by certain people) kept about our collective person also helped a heck of a lot with moderating our conversations and let others know when was a good time to talk to us. I want to use mine at home! But that might seem weird....

I am here and I am weird!

Moving onto the whole 'weird' thing. I can now see, through interaction with other 'weird' folk (I see weird as a good thing, so if you were at Autscape and are reading this, please don't be offended by my use of that word - it is entirely positive in my eyes and I use it because it is what others have always considered me!) and through the beginnings of what I know see as a radical acceptance of my weirdness, I can now proclaim that I am bloody proud to be weird! And we all should be! Odd neurotypicals included.

For the first couple of days, I continued to do what we call 'masking' (aka pretending to be "normal"), but as the days unfolded, I, the self-proclaimed hermit crab, abandoned my very comfortable, very protective shell, to enter a world where I could truly be myself. It was wonderful, it was freeing and that was a feeling I have decided to keep, as much as I can, with me after Autscape.

Why should I have to 'mask' who I am? I want to be myself entirely just as I and many others felt we could be in the inclusive, welcoming and warm environment that we found at Autscape. I am proud to call these people my friends and I am so, so excited to attend next year if the fates allow.

Bloody love these starry flares!!

A huge thank you to everyone who made my experience so lovely at Autscape and to the organisers and volunteers who made it possible. Also, thank you for reading this post, I hope it warmed the cockles of your heart even slightly, autistic or not. 

We need more places like Autscape, where people can truly be themselves, where autism is celebrated and accepted. We are all human, neurodiverse or not and everyone deserves to feel accepted and loved and where self-love is encouraged and is often expected. Much love to you all, over and out!

Instagram @jumper.dweller

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