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It's Cool to be Kind (to yourself): low self-esteem - how it affects my life and how to combat it


For some unknown, or at the least semi-unknown reason, it is ridiculously difficult for me to be kind to myself. I'm sure many of you reading (if there are actually 'many' of you in the first place?) will be able to identify with that. In a culture where every single achievable thing is quantified and compared with everyone else's achievable things, it's unsurprisingly that we young whippersnappers struggle to admit that we have value and worth aside from what we create/our grades/our monetary assets. Everything is about consuming, growing and competing, and that is just not a culture that cultivates kindness. 

Self care!

It is a radical thing, these days, to treat yourself nicely. We preach self-care as gospel, but it's far from bubble baths (Lush being our treat of choice), painting nails and applying some oddly cooling face mask. Self-care is our weapon, our fortress against low self-esteem. Once we value ourselves as people, looking after ourselves properly as an integral part of that, we can see that we are more than what we have. We are what we are, authentically, unabashed and without regret.


I feel like a lot of problems stem from low self-esteem. For me, it's self-destructive behaviour: compulsive shopping, self-injury, disordered eating. There is something deep, very embedded in my being, that craves a balm for my suffering because I am just not enough. I am learning everyday that it is actually quite the contrary: I am enough and these behaviours actually feed the beast, so to speak.  

Self-care is our first step: end relationships that do not serve you; eat regularly and well; walk and think and do things you enjoy simply because you deserve to do these things. 

Some words of wisdom: 'You are the only person you'll ever truly have for the rest of your life', my old therapist, 2016. - these are wise words indeed. 

I have a couple of ideas on how to combat low self-esteem beside self-care, which I'll explore a bit below:

Inner Mother

If you have a good mother figure already, imagine what she might say to you in any given situation: if you're struggling to eat, she might make you something. Do that for yourself. She might comfort you if you're upset, so comfort yourself. It means something different for everyone to mother yourself. If your mother is insufficient for your needs (and I mean no offence by that), imagine what you would want your mother to do/say and implement that into how you treat yourself. It's a powerful tool. 

Be Gentle with Yourself

The perfectionist in me always screams: 'Louise, you're doing it wrong! Why didn't you get it right (aka perfect) the first time? You're useless'. To this I declare, fuck off perfectionist mind and let me get things wrong because that's okay. One step forward and two steps back still involves a degree of progress. There's no pressure to get everything right first time, so try not to enforce it on yourself too much. But again, if you find yourself demanding too much, that's okay. Recognise it and move on. Gently goes, eh?


Right, I think I've rambled a bit too much here, but I'm being gentle with myself and posting this anyway, though my low self-esteem sings in my ear 'no one will read this, it's too long. No one cares!'. Hey-ho, nothing improves overnight but we can take positive steps forward.

Let me know your thoughts over on my instagram @jumper.dweller
Take care! 

Comments

  1. Unknown25 October 2018 at 15:01

    People do read your blogs,and care ,but not everyone will comment,but thinks about what you wrote for the next few days,quietly,by themselves,in gentle silence

    ReplyDelete

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